Group chats, gossip, and isolation: the hidden crisis of college bullying

By S. Kara Floyd

By the second month of her freshman year, Maggie had learned to time her showers for when the dorm hallway went quiet. 

The same girls who once chatted with her during move-in were now spreading rumors in the group chat and whispering when she walked past, those small moments that built into a constant dread of simply existing in her own living space. 

She expected the loneliness and stress that came with starting college; what she didn’t know was that she'd end up moving dorms after the first semester. As her experience shows, bullying on college campuses isn’t just real: it’s far more hidden than many students and administrators realize.

The transition from high school to college is an age-old tale of change, loneliness, and stress for each generation of fresh-faced 18-year-olds. 

Whether it's homesickness, difficulty adjusting to a new school environment, or trouble making new friends- most college students would relate to this period of change being one of the toughest in their lives. 

We expect college freshmen to struggle, but we don’t expect them to get bullied. 

The ongoing problem of bullying

Bullying has been a consistent problem in American daily life for decades, with 20% of children saying they have been bullied,  and 46% of teens reporting cyberbullying or online harassment. And while there is plenty of “traditional bullying” (physical, verbal, and indirect relational bullying) also continues to impact students, often alongside digital abuse.

Research shows that boys in 7th to 9th grade are more likely than girls to be both bullies and victims. However, older teen girls report higher rates of cyberbullying, including online name-calling, rumor spreading, being sent unsolicited explicit images, or even physical threats. Despite the demographic differences, however, any child can be a target, victim, or perpetrator. 

Efforts to combat bullying first gained momentum after the Columbine High School shooting in 1999, which led to the rise of anti-bullying policies in schools across the United States. The tragedy of Columbine became a wake-up call for many Americans, to try and combat drugs, violence, and bullying in schools, as well as in mass media. 

Bullying changes shape

While anti-bullying campaigns have helped raise awareness, stopping the practice has remained a challenge – especially in college where much of the bullying is online and within social media.

“Bullying takes a different shape in college,” said Randall Geddings, a licensed counselor at the College of Charleston’s Counseling Center. “Culturally, we imagine it as someone being chased or physically harassed, but it also includes intimidation, social exclusion, rumor-spreading, or making memes and sharing them online.” 

Emily Russell, president and volunteer of Students 4 Support at CofC – a student-led organization providing resources and peer support, noted the psychological impact of bullying can be quite detrimental. 

“[Bullying] impacts identity and social standing, especially early on, like freshman and sophomore year, when people are still forming social circles. That kind of environment really creates room for in-group/out-group dynamics.” 

The most common form of bullying students have noticed on campus is relational – an offshoot of indirect social bullying. 

“It’s more subtle, but still harmful; actions or words that chip away at someone’s sense of self and identity, whether behind their back or to their face,”  said Russell. “It's acting in ways that bring someone down and target their confidence or identity.”

This type of bullying often flies under the radar for college students. 

“I think people expect bullying to look like what it does in movies: like physical confrontation or shouting in a cafeteria,” said Russel. “But relational bullying, more hidden, more emotional, is real too.” 

Since teenage girls are more likely to participate in cyberbullying, CofC’s predominantly female student population lends itself to more of this type of bullying.

Maggie (not her real name to protect her identity) is a queer CofC student who became a victim of campus bullying, primarily by other queer female students as well as a professor.

Within the all-girls dorm, Maggie was pushed away from her peers, targeted for her weight, social life, and personality.

Girls on the floor of her dorm would spread rumors, doubt her friendships with the other girls, and call her out in the dorm group chat for every little thing she did -- for being loud, having friends over, and hanging out in the common area. Though many of the girls behaved this way, only Maggie was called out.

Physical effects of bullying

Sticks and stones can break your bones, but relational bullying hurts too.

“I’d categorize bullying as an adverse experience. It affects focus, motivation, sleep, and diet. These changes can lead to anxiety, social withdrawal, and other compounding issues,” said Geddings. “Lack of basic wellness like sleep and nutrition can disrupt all areas of a student’s life.” 

For some, the damage lingers long after the bullying stops. Maggie’s experiences left her questioning not only her choice of friends but also her self-worth. 

“I have struggled with feeling like people are out to get me,” Maggie said. 

And the bullying from a professor caused great damage to her academics. 

“Being bullied by a professor has made being in classes harder. I always feel like somewhat of a burden when I speak up in my classes,” she said. “I felt humiliated and stupid in front of my class, and I am scared of it happening again.” 

The stress from being bullied is no different from other causes of stress and leads to the same increased risks of serious  health problems, everything from achy muscles to increased cortisol levels that can lead to longer term issues like heart disease and diabetes. 

“I constantly felt targeted and uncomfortable in my own dorm. My dorm had a communal bathroom, and sometimes I would feel guilty or anxious just going to shower or use the bathroom,” said Maggie. “I would frequently sleep and would get stomach aches a lot. I felt like my basic needs were not being met because of the stress it had on me.” 

Students with stress are often encouraged to reach out for mental health resources, and harassment like hazing is taken quite seriously. 

But no one seems to talk about bullying – as if it can’t exist beyond high school. 

“Until I was asked to do this interview, I never considered what happened to me to be bullying,” Maggie said. “But looking back, that is exactly what it is.”

Bullying prevention on campus

CofC’s mental health initiatives focus on healing and fostering a supportive community. Any struggling students are encouraged to go to the Counseling Center. Licensed professionals work with students experiencing mental health crises, stress, or even relationship troubles. The same goes for victims of campus bullying. 

“When someone is dealing with bullying, harassment, or any adverse experience, we work on boundary setting, creating a sense of safety and security, promoting self-care and mindfulness, and challenging cognitive distortions like self-blame,” said Geddings. “We want to help students show themselves compassion and rebuild their confidence. It’s about validating their experience and helping them regain control so this disruption doesn’t spread into other areas of their life.” 

If bullying victims felt intimidated by counseling, or had other hesitations, S4S is also a resource broadly advertised around campus. 

“Listening as a peer counselor is very different from listening as a friend,” said Russell in reference to her volunteer work. “We’re not trained to fix people’s problems. We’re there to listen and support.” 

Support is constantly advertised, but the word “bullying” itself is not. 

For students like Maggie, a lot of relational bullying takes place in the dorms. Resident Assistants are the middle man for possible social disputes. An RA I spoke with at CofC, who we’ll refer to as ‘Phoebe’ noted however, that bullying itself was not often mentioned or part of training. 

“I couldn’t tell you a single time the word ‘bullying’ or any sentiment like that came up during training,” said Phoebe. “We’re taught to handle your standard roommate issues, where both parties are partially at fault. Never a situation where one party is being targeted. It’s like it’s not in [Residence Life’s] vocabulary–they don’t want to conceive of a bullying situation even being possible.” 

Both Maggie and Phoebe see a disconnect between resources provided through the university and actual trained support offered in Residence Life.

Maggie said asking for help from her RA actually resulted in a less productive result to her situation. 

“Even though I was terrified of the girl who had physically threatened me, they wanted me to have a conversation with her,” Maggie recalled. “The incident was reported through Residence Life, but no follow-up was ever had with me. None of my issues were ever really addressed.” 

Students experiencing bullying cannot always use the same resources as those experiencing assault or more serious crimes. 

Adults on a campus who commit serious crimes and assault find themselves faced with expulsion, and even criminal charges. Resources are made for them, but when bullying isn’t recognized as serious harassment- serial harassment- the help resources differ for adults compared to children in K-12. 

Russell, an avid supporter of mental health initiatives on campus, even noticed this. 

“Honestly, I’m not sure I even know what our anti-bullying procedures are. That might say something,” she said. “I’ve seen the “If you see something, say something” signs. And I know the Office of Victim Services has great resources. But I haven’t seen anything specific to bullying.” 

If victims of bullying only see resources for serious crimes, they may be less likely to report their own experiences. Students experiencing cyber, relational, and domestic bullying could think their own experiences don’t meet the threshold for official concern. 

“People tend to minimize their problems, thinking, ‘Others have it worse,’ or ‘It’s not that big of a deal.’ But your distress is valid,” said Geddings.

Moving on

Many people remember their first bully – he/she might have pulled pigtails, or taken lunch money. This childish association with bullying helps explain the lack of discussion and resources for students being bullied in college. 

But the volatile transition period between teenage and adult life can be rife with bullies. Victims recognizing they are not at fault is a necessary first step of getting help.  

“Be aware that this situation you've been placed in is not your fault,” said Russell. “You are being hurt, and that's not on you. That's not about you. That's about the cruelty of another person.” 

Students being bullied may not find the sort of justice and support from administrators as they could have in high school, but that doesn’t mean they should avoid getting help as they move on from being a victim. 

S4S volunteers like Russell advocate for peer support and not suffering silently. 

“Come to Students 4 Support! And if not us, find someone you trust,” said Russel. “Reach out to a friend, an RA, a family member- anyone who can help you process what’s going on. Talk about it, get it off your chest, and know there’s a path forward. You’re not alone. We’ve got your back.” 

For some students, that path forward is creating distance between them and their perpetrator. When dorm management can’t prevent bullying, the best option might be finding a safer space. 

“You might just need to move,” said Phoebe. “Because there’s nothing substantial that can be done. People shouldn’t be bullying one another, of course. But at the end of the day, we've transitioned to a more adult situation, we can’t give the people bullying others any type of consequences- unless it crosses into the realm of harassment, or hate crime.” 

Though the school could not take actions against Maggie’s bullies, she took initiative to seek out a new living situation. Students like Maggie experiencing domestic bullying are often encouraged to move after being bullied. 

“There is nothing wrong with taking yourself out of that environment; you need to focus on what is best for you,” said Maggie. “Ask for help from any resource at your school, and if they can’t help, please keep trying.” 

Whether it’s reaching out for help, leaning on friends and family, or stepping away from a harmful space, recovery begins with recognizing that no one deserves to be mistreated. The college experience may be defined by independence, but healing from bullying doesn’t have to be done alone.

Moving on has been the most important part of Maggie’s recovery, and she hopes the same for other people feeling hopeless on campus. 

“It’s important to know you are loved, you are worthy, and you are enough,” she said, “even if people make you feel like you aren’t.”